Our first family Christmas card!

Come check it out! We are Shutterfly JUNKIES in this house :)

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AZOWzJszasWbuA&cid=SFLYOCWIDGET

Piggy Aubrey

Aubrey started eating rice cereal on Monday, just a few days shy of her 5 month birthday. I had every intention to wait until 6 months but curiosity got the best of me. Aubrey did such a great job eating! She was fascinated with the spoon - she realized she can slurp and blow bubbles and she even tried to feed herself (long, tired mommy sigh). I plan on continuing with the rice cereal once a day at dinner time for the next month before introducing veggies. I'm even letting out my unknown crunchy side and will attempt to make our own baby food!


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Pictures from our first ultrasound

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Anniversary of our first ultrasound

I remember not sleeping very well the night before. I just laid there, excited and scared all wrapped in one. I kept wondering if there was even going to be a baby in there. I guess I was still in shock that I was pregnant so I was doubting it.

We woke up with a little pip in out step. Mike was watching the news but I could tell he was just as excited as I was. My hands were shaking as I buttoned my pants. I was doing my hair and I ran out to Mike saying "What if there isn't a baby?". He looked at me like I was nuts (rightfully so) and he reassured me that either way, we'd be fine. I started applying my makeup and I scurried out again. "What if it IS twins?" I asked. "Cool" he said in his I-think-your-over-reacting voice.
A parent of twins at my day care had ESP or something. Before I announced my pregnancy to anyone other than my husband and a few coworkers she asked me if I was expecting. With my mouth wide open I confirmed I was. She then told me she just KNEW I was having twins. After she left I rolled my eyes. There was no way I thought I was carrying two little peanuts.

I filled out all the forms at my new OB/GYN's office. No, I didn't smoke.. Yes, I wear a seat belt... Then they called my name. I have never been so anxious and nervous in my life. As I laid on that awkward OB table I was sweating and my heart was racing. In walks a beautiful, petite Midwife named Wanda. She was so friendly and she asked me some basic questions and gave me some standard answers. I asked her how many ultrasounds a woman gets throughout her pregnancy and she said only 3. That was a let down. She started looking around and found a sack with a tiny little baby inside. Relieved I looked at Mike and we began joking about twins. The midwife cleared her throat and said "Well... Honey, you ARE having twins".

My head spun around so fast to look her in the eye. She looked nervous, as if she just delivered me some bad news. I instantly started crying. I laid back down and I kept saying "Oh my God". She waved her magic ultrasound wand and there they were. Two sacks with two babies. She said one was measuring behind by a few days but she reassured me that was normal with twins and a few days was nothing to worry about. Instant panic for the baby I knew I was carrying for a whole 2 minutes sunk in. To ease my mind she asked if I wanted to hear their heartbeats. First was baby A (Aubrey) whose beats were in the 160's. Second was baby B who was in the 150's. Then, she played them both together. It was a glorious sound. I was balling.

I miss that moment. I miss crying those tears of joy instead of sadness. I wish I could go back to that moment so I could see my healthy baby again and tell him or her how MUCH I love them. I miss that baby with all my heart. The pain of loosing a child, one you haven't even met, is a deep wound that feels like it never heals. Today, that wound has reopened. I just have to hug my Aubrey tight and thank God I still have her (the poor thing is looking up at me so confused as I hold her and cry). But I cannot express the feelings I have in my heart right now. I just wish I could have my other baby here with me today.
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Aubrey's first baseball game!

Aubrey enjoyed her first baseball game this past Saturday night!

When we arrived to the Gwinette Braves (minor league) stadium and she loved people watching (and many people enjoyed watching her as well). A little girl in the row in front of us got some pretty sweet Aubrey smiles just by turning around. We watched the big, colorful mascot do some sweet dance moves and Brian McCann hit a home run! When the fireworks went off and everyone started screaming she was a little startled but over all did good.

By the 7th inning it was well past Aubrey's bed time so we started to head home. Not without a trip to the G-Braves store where daddy picked her up a [pink!] baseball bat and ball to remember her special day.

Go Braves!
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Aubrey is 19 weeks old!

19 weeks ago I was in shock and awe as I looked into my baby girls big blue eyes for the first time. 19 weeks ago... I remember it like it was yesterday yet it feels like it was so long ago.

Now that Aubrey is a little over 4 months old she is growing by leaps and bounds. Last week she rolled over from her back to her tummy for the first time! My life is over... She is now one step closer to being mobile. She can circle around to access different toys on the blanket and has even scooted forwards a few times (gulp). Now that she is a roller we have gotten rid of the swaddling blanket. I was anticipating a hard transition but now Aubrey loves to sleep on her tummy in her crib and will sleep throughout the night. How did I get so lucky!? *knock on wood*

Aubrey has finally allowed us to pass her off to my mom (and that's about it). She has some pretty severe separation anxiety - or maybe it's her built in stranger-danger vibes. She has also discovered the glory of toes. She holds them all.day.long! She tries to put those stinky piggies in her mouth and squeals at them (pun intended) when she's unsuccessful. Her other obsession is touching faces, especially when I'm feeding her. She has realized she can reach up and stroke my cheek or grab at my lips, nose or hair (and she gives me not so friendly reminders on when to cut her nails).

I like to compare her weekly birthdays to the weeks when I was pregnant with her. A few days before I was 19 weeks pregnant we found out we were having a girl. She was around a pound or so in the womb and here she is today at 13lb 7oz (according to my home scale). Exactly at 19 weeks pregnant I painted and hung her name letter which she now sleeps under every night. I was so excited because I finally started to really feel her kicks and flips and today she still kicks the mess out of me. No matter what milestone she hits or how old she gets, I simply cannot get enough of her. My heart grows every day with love and joy for being a mother to my sweet Aubrey Ann <3


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You Name It!

The other day I was chatting amongst some fellow mom's and they begin asking what one another did for work. I explained that I was a chef, a personal shopper, a maid, a laundry mat, a janitor, a nurse, a chauffeur, a wife, an accountant, occasionally a secretary, a dog walker, a personal assistant ... Essentially, I am a mom. And a stay at home mom at that. Unfortunately all those jobs I perform come with little pay. Okay, no pay.

What to do, what to do... So I started my own "business" (humor me). I loved making the name letters for Aubrey's nursery and have recently completed an even cuter set of letters for my friends' baby. It was something to make me feel productive and keep me entertained and to make some extra money. I created a Facebook page for my business called You Name It, where not only do you name that fetus you are growing but you tell me how you want your nursery letters to look. Within 2 hours of creating the page I had 2 orders.

I am really excited to start this business venture and I hope to make a lot of mommies happy and nurseries unique :)


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A year ago today...

... I spent a small fortune at CVS. Around seven in the morning I gracefully scurried out of the bathroom screaming "Oh my God!" scaring the living daylights out of my poor husband. I shoved the pee stick in his face and asked him "Do you see what I see!?!". And there it was - a little blue plus sign telling us that Aubrey was alive. I went into work with a deer in head lights look as everyone congratulated me (some even said "I told you so"). Still in a BFP (big fat positive) coma I wasn't convinced so on my lunch break I went out and bought three more boxes of pregnancy tests . All which had the same results. July 26th, 2010 was simply one of the greatest days of my life.

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What playing "house" on the playground never taught me

I'm pretty sure my mom could pull out paperwork from when I was in elementary school with the cute stick figure women standing next to a big tree with the v-shaped birds flying in the blue sky and a quaint little square house with four windows and a triangle roof and underneath this masterpiece would state : "When I grow up I want to be a mommy". Ok, maybe a few years I wrote teacher, but close enough, right? And all those years of playing "house" where I demanded to be the mommy, well, we can just classify at that as on the job training.

It is crazy to know that I am living my 3rd grade dream. I am a stay at home mom with two rambunctious dogs and a beautiful baby girl I get to play dress up with. What my eight year old Picasso-vision never drew was a woman with wild hair that had an unidentified crunchy spot, a tank top covered in this same strange sticky liquid, a fidgety baby on her hip with dishes piled in the sink, laundry strewn across the house (dirty or clean, who knows) and two dogs play wrestling making noises the earth hasn't heard since the jurassic period.

My poor husband... Did he know what he got himself into? Heck, the poor guy married me but motherhood has brought on a whole new level of chaos no one was prepared for. The newborn stage is comparable to the movie "Dawn of the Dead" where the world has come to a screeching halt, no one seems to be sleeping, and everyone winds up a zombie. Thank God we're past that. So now one would figure that a mother would get a hang of her new life. And that's when your sneaky little bundle of joy throws a wrench into your fairy tale life. Sleeping through the night? Ha, don't hold your breath. Finally enjoying tummy time? Get ready to have your ear drums blown. You no longer feel like a cow? Prepare to say moo, Daisy. I feel like such a failure when my husband comes home from his 10 hour shift at work to dog food in the front entry way, a coffee table piled high with the weeks mail, the sound of a washing machine going (he doesn't know that it would be the first load of the day) and a half eaten sandwich left on the counter. He doesn't dare ask what I do all day because he knows all too well that I will give him a minute by minute playback of every tear shed (both hers and mine), every blow out diaper, failed nap time and cute little giggle. I am so lucky to have such a supportive, understanding man. I am so lucky he gets me.

So what do I do all day? I stare in amazement at this crazy little screeching baby with messy hair and drool that puts my dogs to shame. I can't believe I made her, that she was inside me and that she's mine (ok, Mike's too). Just a little over a year ago we conceived Aubrey and almost a year ago today we found out about her. It's crazy how two pink lines can turn into a something so amazing. I held onto my elementary dream and am so happy I did.
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Puppy love

Aubrey has a new BFF - move over paci, here comes Bella!

Aubrey has given the loudest, longest, silliest laughs at Bella when she does her prancing growling act. Her infatuation with Bella started a little over a week ago and Bella has always been timidly interested in her until today. They are the best of pals!

While Aubrey was screaming at a toy she was trying to shove in her mouth Bella was very concerned and stood over Aubrey watching her and sniffing her. When Aubrey began to fuss Bella would give her toes a little lick. Every move Aubrey made Bella would get closer and closer to get a good investigative sniff. There were quite a few times Bella would be smacked or kicked but she still keep a watchful eye over the new member of our pack.

I have updated a video to our YouTube account (search Aubreysmommy2011) of Bella and Aubrey and I will attempt to upload some pictures on here (and maybe a video?).


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Update on Aubrey :)

Aubrey is now at the ripe old age of 15 weeks. It blows me away to think of how much she has grown!

Aubrey has finally started rolling over (on purpose!) from tummy to back mostly at my moms house, she reaches for toys and manipulates them (mostly bring them to her mouth to gnaw on them without mercy). The big orange paci is a thing of the past but she will suck on anything and everything else she can pull towards her mouth. Her new best friend is Bella, my skinny black Whippet/labrador rescue. She smiles and squeals when Bella walks by or licks her toes and she laughs to no end when Bella prances around and does her dinosaur growls. It melts my heart!

Besides Bella, she loves to act like a big girl. She enjoys holding her body up in her exersaucer and even sits up VERY well for a 3 month old in her Boppy. Aubrey has found her voice - her loud, outside voice. She is constantly singing or chatting to me, the dogs, the tv, her toys, in the bath, in the car... Well, you get the picture. I love hearing her sweet voice! She tries to mimic us all the time - her favorite noises are gurgles ("geeee"), "hi" (or that's what is sounds like at least) and shouting as loud as she can.

I attempted to attach a few pictures - apologies if they didn't work. We have a YouTube account so feel free to get your fill of cuteness here: http://m.youtube.com/profile?gl=US&hl=en&client=mv-google&user=AubreysMommy2011


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There's holes in the floor of heaven...

It's days and nights like today that make me wonder how different my life would be with the two babies I was blessed with instead of just my one.

Poor Aubrey was having a no good, very bad day. I keep on wanting to blame it on a growth spurt but I remind myself that she is a little human being, she will have her good days and bad days just like anyone else. One sad, fussy baby is hard enough so I really couldn't imagine having two and somehow surviving.

But I watch Aubrey grow so much right before my eyes. Just yesterday she started reaching for and successfully grabbing at things and she has started to rock on her belly in attempts to roll over. Her hair has gotten longer with a few waves, her eye lashes are darker and longer, her legs get chunkier and her smile gets sweeter. I constantly find myself wondering what her twin would look like. In my heart I feel that her twin would have been a sweet brother. Would he have the dark locks and sweet blue eyes like Aubrey, or maybe he'd be a blondie with big brown eyes like his cousins. I slightly smile with the thought of seeing two miracle babies laying on the blanket trying to roll over before the sadness creeps in.

I love being a stay at home mom and being able to spend every waking moment (no lie) with my gorgeous baby. I couldn't imagine trying to divide my time and attention between two 3 month old babies and still finding time for me and time for my husband. But then I feel guilty for being happy to only have one - I would do ANYTHING to have my baby B here with us alive and well. Of course I know how blessed I am to have the one amazing daughter I do have but I cannot help but miss and think of "what if's" about my baby in heaven.

Seeing women in the mall, online, in magazines etc with their twins hurts my heart. I still cannot understand why. Why me? Why my baby? I keep saying that I understand that God took my baby back because s/he was too sick to stay. I would never wish for a baby to have a life of pain and struggles. But why would God make my baby that sick? Why would He give me something so amazing and then take it back? I hate questioning Him and feeling this way but any mother of a baby lost I'm sure can relate...

So tonight I give my sweet girl extra cuddles and love in hopes for a better tomorrow for both her and I. I shed a tear and send a prayer to my baby B in hope that s/he is looking down on his/her sister and I and know how much we both love, wanted and miss him/her.
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Justice for Caylee

Maybe it's because now I am a mother to my own gorgeous bay girl or maybe it's because I am a mother to an angel baby in heaven or perhaps (and most probable) both... I have been so emotionally invested in the Casey Anthony trial since opening statements. My heart was shattered to hear the "not guilty" verdict.

Watching Casey listening to all the witnesses on the stand always aggravated me. She always sat there stone faced with her cold heart watching people say how cute her daughter was as pictures of Caylee danced across the computer screens, or how animals gnawed at her murdered daughters bones but as soon as they would talk about her made-up molestation she would wipe her fake tears. That was proof enough that she was as guilty as it gets (and sick in the head).

I could go on and on but I really don't want to remember all the sickening facts that make Casey Anthony the monster we all know and hate. In my heart I know she did it and it kills me that soon that child murderer will be free. Justice might not have been served on July 5th, 2011 at 2:15pm but in no way, shape or form is her verdict of "not guilty" claiming her innocents.

I have signed the petition to make it a criminal offense to not report a child missing ("Caylee's Law" ♥
http://www.change.org/petitions/create-caylees-law) and I suggest you, your friends, your family, your coworkers, your neighbors, etc do the same. We need to bring some form of justice to this sweet baby's soul.
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Please vote for Aubrey in the Gerber photo contest!

Among the many prizes Aubrey could receive for being so stinking cute the top prize is a college scholarship. Please vote for her by going to this link : http://apps.facebook.com/gerberphotosearch/entry/141534/Aubrey.aspx?source=10088947
And make sure to share this link with friends, family and coworkers!! Thank you!!! :)

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This week in Aubrey's adventures...

What a busy baby Aubrey has been this week!! Sunday was her first time in a pool and she LOVED it! She would swing her legs and swat at the water. Needless to say bath time has become easier.
Wednesday Aubrey played in her new excersaucer for the first time. Her feet are no where near touching the bottom but she has such awesome upper body strength (she blows me away with how strong she is!) that she held her whole body up right and enjoyed spinning some beads on a plastic bar. She loves being so grown.
Thursday Aubrey's Great Grandma Bland flew up to visit! She gave her tons of big, gummy smiles and plenty of sweet coo's. We also started a new bedtime routine which has eliminated her party animal status and she finally goes to bed at a respectable hour. We nurse, take a long bath, get lotioned and diapered up before putting on footed pajama's (she prefers the ones with monkey feet hehe), we make her bottle and talk or sing and then read a book (right now we're reading "Big Thoughts for Little People" by Kenneth N. Taylor, a favorite book from my childhood :)). Finally she gets swaddled and we rock in her room while she eats and listens to her new Fisher Price seahorse until she knocks out.
Friday was Aubrey's 12 week birthday and was full of fun. We took 4 generation pictures and hung out with the family at my mom's house. Unfortunately a few of our plans were rained out.
Saturday was exhausting. We met up with my family and drove an hour to North Georgia to visit the German (and tourist trap) town of Helen. Aubrey was carried around and received tons of compliments. On our way home we saw a cute store called Aubrey's and of course stopped for a mini photo shoot! We hung out at my mom's for a bit where Aubrey once again amazed me with her strength - my mom was holding her up under her armpits so she could stand up (her favorite position because you know, she's SUCH a big girl hehe) and Aubrey was literally taking steps. She understood how to lift one knee at a time and to place that foot forward. My daughter is a genius! Afterwards we enjoyed a wonderful "sunset cruise" on Lake Lanier. Aubrey did very well for her first time on a boat! The captain was very kind and took it easy - the only time she really fussed was when it was windy. She stayed up the whole time to my surprise because the boat was rocking just right.
My little bird is growing so fast. I cannot wait to see what this new week will bring...

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Me minus 14 inches

My neighbors must think I'm self absorbed because I can't stop checking myself out in the mirror. Wait, maybe I am self absorbed because I think my neighbors are watching me...

My mom came over to watch Aubrey while I went to go get my hair cut - no, chopped off today. She was here a little after 2:30 and Aubrey was a tad bit fussy but I didn't give it a second thought; my mom watched Aubrey two Sunday's back and they did great together.
I get to the salon and I'm sitting on the bench waiting to meet my new stylist (my old one is gone so I was taking a pretty big gamble with some random chick). She introduced herself and asked what I wanted to do with my hair - mind you my hair looked like I just survived a tornado because I only had time to wash it and half-way blow dry it. I announced I wanted a "mom cut" but told her "not a soccer mom cut!". She gives me look as if she smelled dog crap and said "Hey, I'm a soccer mom." Grrrreaaaaat.
So she gets to washing my hair and we do the simple elevator conversation. I sit in her chair and show her the picture of what I wanted my hair to look like. She says she can do it no problem as she parts my hair into two sections, rubber bands them and chops off close to 14 inches. She starts cutting and loudly notices my massive amount of grey's. She caused enough of a commotion for the receptionist and the stylist next to her to come check out the 22 year old grandma. Wonderful. So she starts talking to me about hair dye and I explained I do it myself but haven't done it since January because I was only allowed to dye my hair so many times while I was pregnant and I was waiting to get my hair cut so DIY dying would be easier. She tells me that she dyes pink streaks in her 5 year old daughters hair all the time and when my daughter is older to bring her in with me so she could do it for Aubrey. Uhm, I think not.
Maybe it was the awkward conversation, the worry about the cut or the blow dryer but I started to sweat, you know, that between-the-boobs sweat. But then, wait a minute, I've never had under-the-boobs sweat... Nope. Not sweat. I was leaking. Wonderful. I try to ignore this mommy-syndrome and focus on my hair cut which is getting shorter and shorter. The stylist proclaims it looked like I had a mullet so she gave me the mirror and spun me around and there it was - a bubble-butt looking mullet. So the style had to go even shorter. Now I was sweating for real - was this revenge for the soccer mom comment!?!
An hour and a few minutes later and I was a whole new woman rocking a cute bob. I love it. I'm at the check out thanking the stylist and accepting all the compliments from the receptionist and other stylists. She hands me a bag with my pony tails to donate to Locks of Love. I started joking with her "I didn't even want this, I feel bad donating my old split ends with a bad dye job". She looked at me and said in such a matter-of-fact way "But it's for kids with cancer". Seriously, I just spent the past hour with you and you still don't get my sense of humor lady?
I fought rush hour traffic and got home to my red-faced, foot stomping, screaming baby. My mom said she got a total of 2 smiles out of her and the only time she wasn't crying was when she took a 5 minute nap in her arms. I smile at her and say "hello sweet girl" and she gives me this look like "who the hell are you?". My heart sunk in that instant - I regretted chopping even a centimeter off of my hair because I thought my baby didn't recognize me. Two seconds later this sly little grin creeped across her face. All was good in the world.
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Finally! I have created a blog! A place to share all my mommy moments (good and bad).

Ok, so the name of my blog "... Then comes chaos is a baby carriage" I feel describes life perfectly. Well, my life at least.
First comes love. Faith, hope and love are the good things He gave us, and the greatest is love. Love is patient, love is kind. You know, that warm fuzzy feeling you get inside. Well, my heart went all mushy and what not on September 30th, 2006 when I started dating my now husband. Before you know it we were living together, engaged and then married.
Then comes marriage. As someone once told me, getting married is more than a shiny ring and a pretty dress. I cannot even begin to tell you how much truth is behind that (the shiny ring is just a bonus). I married my love on June 18th, 2010. Yep, almost one whole year and we still haven't killed each other! Not too long after we took this play yard song step came the baby carriage.
July 26th was the day I spent the most money at CVS ever known to man kind. Eight (yes, eight) pregnancy tests later I found out that I was, for sure, pregnant. August 23rd was our first prenatal visit and there they were - two sacks, two heart beats, two bundles of chaos... I mean joy. September 21st we discovered the loss of our baby B. November 2nd we found out we were blessed with a daughter. Fast forward to April 1st and after 17 hours of easy labor and 5 minutes of pushing she was finally here. All 6 pounds 5oz 19 inches of cuteness we call Aubrey has arrived into the world and has forever changed my life.

Now onto the chaos. Yes, I might have been a day care teacher for seven years with the last year being only with infants but no one prepared me for the newborn stage. The stage where you are delirious from exhaustion but you don't want to sleep, you just want to stare at this miracle you've made. The stage where no matter how much crap you bought, how many books you've read or how much experience you think you have you are still flying by the seat of your pants. I thank God every day for giving me such a great baby and only He knows how she's survived 10 weeks with me so far.

I am so blessed in so many different ways. Not only do I have an amazing daughter but I have the opportunity to stay home and watch her grow and learn first hand. Poor child has to put up with me 24/7 and having the camera shoved in her face at every moment she does something spectacular. And my standards for considering something spectacular are pretty low.

Feel free to follow me on this crazy journey that I call my life :)
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